Gathering Around the Fire

Fall season is upon us. And of course we have hospitality on our minds. No matter the size of the rooms of your house, there is beauty and roominess in inviting friends and neighbors around for an outdoor, crackling fire. Join us at the table as we discuss gathering around fire. 

I'm Lainie, and I’m Laura Beth, and we are Steel Magnolias, the strength of steel with the grace of a magnolia.  We are here to have uplifting conversations about life in the south. And we've got plenty of room at our table. So pull up a chair .

Welcome back, y'all.

Hey, this episode is releasing on October 11, which is the book release date for Sean Dietrich, aka Sean of the South's latest book called, You Are My Sunshine. Which means we are getting even closer to our live event at the Franklin theatre, where we get to sit down in front of an audience and interview Shawn. It's going to be so fun. We're so excited. If you did grab tickets, well, good on you, because it is sold out. It's sold out in about eight hours. I'm so excited. So we know some of you were planning to be there and did not get tickets. And we're very sorry about that. But that just means that we will partner again in the future. Yes. It's such a fun book. I'm not going to talk much about it now since you know that's coming. But if you need a good laugh, this is your book. Yes, we'll link to it in the show notes. So you can go ahead and get a copy now that it is available. 

Okay, today we are talking about gathering around fires, probably more campfires. I mean, gather on the

fire that was thinking about was just fire so that could be the hearth of your living room, if you have one. Yes. Could be a firepit out in your backyard. Yeah, but really I was. My mind went more to outdoor. Yeah, hearth what a great word. Good vocabulary. I do love campfires and you know this about me but I'm so in favor of clothing and hair smelling like

campfire so weird like that though. Because a lot of people like this they like strongly dislike it or they're allergic and it's just repulsive. But man, I love it. I love it too. It is fall to me like that is the smell of fall.

My husband sadly does not enjoy it or else I would probably concoct a shampoo that was scented campfire for him. Or for me, There are candles that have that smell. And I have those. But yeah, it doesn't bother me at all that clothing holds that smell and unlike Yeah, well cool evenings in the South have begun. And we can't do campfires in the summer, like many parts of the United States. Because it's so dry, We haven't had any rain. So it's like dangerous. Is that what you mean? Well, I just mean, the heat.  There's a lot of like, you know, like the northeast or northwest even,summertime is also a big time for camping out, you know, but also incorporating a campfire. We would be camping out in the summer down here. But we're not going to be using the fire to the length of time that I think you will rely on other in other parts of the country. No, we're just trying to mostly fight mosquitoes and cook a little food. It's not really like a comfortable fun gathering spot like it is in the fall. So you know no out of the country is like, oh, yeah, we've been having great campfires, not us not down here. We're just now getting to the time of the year where we can really enjoy it. I think we're so funny as southerners because it's like we've been begging for a break from the heat, because it's just it's very oppressive sometimes down here. But then it's like we're startled. And a bit rattled when it gets cold.

Well, right. So I just had, you know, it's always it kind of makes you like survey your culture when you have an out of Towner or in your case and out of country. Yes. And yes. And so Rachel was talking about how big people do fall in the South,  She's shocked by all the, you know, 20 pumpkins on some people's porches. Yeah, like she's never seen anything like that. In England or France. Right. And so I said, I think part of what it is, is we are so excited that the air is cooling down. Yeah, I said you didn't actually experience the hottest Part of the summer true. You thought it was miserable when you first arrived and it was 85. But no, I've got news. It was way worse.

Yes, we've been floating in bath water pools.

Yes. So anyway, I think that's even part of why possibly, but I think also southerners just like to celebrate. And yes, so holidays are a little amped up. Oh, yeah. decor, like changing out the decor and that kind of thing.

I still remember a couple that we heard from Canada that was making that comment and they were like, like, flowers in the gas station for Valentine's Day. You would never see that where we come from, but you see it here.

Well, I went super primitive when I was first thinking about fire. Okay, what it is, okay, it draws us in. And so some of the things I was thinking you're probably like, Lainie are so crazy. But first of all, I was thinking it's one of the four basic elements. Oh, you know, there's air, water, earth and fire. Yes. And fire is also the thing that sets us apart from other animals in the sense of we cook our food. Every other animal doesn't cook their food. Enter, fire.

Okay. And so I just I don't know, that was thinking of just even the primitiveness of it is needed for heat, It's needed for cooking. Yeah, and we are the humans that do it.

Now. Clairee from Steel Magnolias would tell you that the only thing that sets us apart from the animals is our ability to accessorize. That's true. That's also true. But you prove a good point. Yeah, we do cook our food.

Anyway. So I was even thinking there's kind of something primitive when you think about all different civilizations and tribes have gathered around fire. What's true for heat or cooking. That's so true. kind of draws you in.

Now. Do you? I'm not going to take us on too far of a tangent. But do you like camping? Or do you just are we or do you just like to extract the campfire experience apart from camping? Yeah, so I love being outdoors. But I at this age don't like cots and the hard surface of the ground. Yeah, I don't know what age you outgrow that. I mean, I know there's some people listening that are like, I'm still a boy scout leader. And I'm well, I'm much older than y’all so maybe okay. Yes. So I do like seeing beauty of nature. But the camping part for me. It's not that I don't want to be in it's not the bugs. It's not the cooking outdoors. I like all of the all of the sleeping on hard surface and I'm with you. So I haven't ever done this but I really want to try glamping. Oh, me too. Me too. Yeah, I know because I did we did a little backyard camping about three weeks ago me and my son and I did it and it was fun but I mean I did pop some Tylenol before I laid down for the night, you know because I was just like this is gonna hurt so just me and a yoga pad and a sleeping bag so yeah, I have found as I've been around different people I am not scared of bugs like yes mosquitoes eat me alive. I've got you know mosquito bites currently. I don't enjoy that. But like you know I'm not scared to pick up a spider or a stink bug and take care of what I need to take care of. That doesn't freak me out. Yeah. But yeah, it's just the sleeping part.

Well, you have an in ground fire pit in your backyard that you handbill two times you've actually moved it one I just have one of those metal above ground you know both fire pit one that you can move around. So yes, we both do this I wouldn't say regularly I don't know how many people do any of this regularly but yes, this is something that we both very much enjoy at our houses. Yeah.

And you know both of our houses the rooms aren't super huge so that's what even why I mentioned in our intro like no matter the size of your house or rooms, outdoors makes things a little easier. Yes, yes, kids can run, exactly as many sharp surfaces I guess there are some but

no in terms of hospitality. If you want to show hospitality to your neighbors, this is an awesome fall activity or hospitality to anyone to your church group or your book club or whatever,

you know, and another thing I love about it is like some popcorn and apple cider it done yeah, or whatever. Yeah, chocolate, whatever your thing is, it doesn't have to be A right and expensive night, not at all. And people love it. And I mean, I'm not musical but if you have somebody that plays a guitar and would be willing to bring it that adds a whole other fun element.

That's so funny that I actually have in my notes, taking it to the next level, enter a guitar player.

I mean, do you remember one time when we did a fire pit here and we were already had somebody that was so great to play guitar? There was a guy that was visiting that played that India that is it a sitar? sitar, he had a sitar out there totally forgot about that. I feel like there was maybe one other and maybe a djembe or something that was just like, This is amazing. How did this happen in my backyard

all of a sudden, that was super unique. But yes, there are a lot of guitar players out there that if you have the capability to grab one of them in Yeah, it adds so much.

And if by chance you have little kids around I got years ago when there was Toys R Us -does that even that doesn't exist anymore. I don't know. We don't have one. Well, I bought this little kit and it was like a tiny little djembe and a little tambourine and little air, you know, egg you could shake and little clickers and like different percussion things. I think the whole kit was like $25. And so in the times that I've had kids over, they really liked to play too. Yes. And even Okay, so that's kind of like the giving them activity getting some energy out or letting them be loud. But I was even reading something and doing research for this that it was talking about this is a great way to let kids unwind because it makes him sleepy. Totally get near that warm fire scene into it. It makes all of us tired of the rectally sound. 

One thing we didn't talk about that I had in my notes, you almost kind of have to have somebody that is the Fire Keeper.

Tender. Yes, person. Yes. Because they usually don't just go for a long time on their own to continually poke it. Tend it.

I'm not great at getting it started. Right. But I love to attend it. Like just to keep its adding logs. You know, fan in it. Yes. All of that once it's kind of go in, but I'm not the best

if you've got somebody with fidgeting tendencies or just doesn't want to be in this social environment. Put them on it's true. They put them down as the tender give them a job. So

true. Okay, I have a question. Have you ever started a fire rubbing two sticks together? No, I haven't either. That's incredible. Like that would be so empowering.

It really would you it really would could do that. Yeah. And I guess it's because I've never needed to never I don't know if I've ever really tried though, because I've always had

I tried one time elements. And probably gave up like so too quickly, you know, just like why am I even doing this? But that would be so amazing. What I would love to know. And I can probably easily Google this is like what? What kind of timeframe are we looking at? Like, what should you just comfortably give yourself? Is this 30 minutes that you should give yourself that you’re like, it probably depends on your friction. Yeah, hands on, like a lot of different somebody

that does this all the time, still spending 20 minutes? And I'm like given up in 10. Yeah, right. Yeah. So I would need to know those parameters before I jump in. Well, should we talk about I mean, there, there's health benefits. And I'm sure people could guess that, you know, just to be an outside to be near a fire. So you know, I mean, like, there's really, there's not really a dominant doctor that's needed to tell you that it's peaceful and relaxing. Duh. 

I mean, you're looking out at the stars, maybe if it's not, you know, your

nights. But the warmth is good for our bodies physically and mentally. So there's actually a study that I saw that the University of Alabama did, and they said that sitting by a fire decreases blood pressure. Interesting and makes sense. The study measured the blood pressure among 226 adults. Now this is funny, they weren't even with an actual fire participants were asked to watch a video of a virtual fire with and without sound. Their blood pressure was monitored before and after the trial. And the results indicated consistent blood pressure decreases in the fire with sound condition in enhancing effects of absorption and pro sociality. So interesting. Now I'm just curious, I wonder is it the flickering of the light? Is it something rhythmic about it? You know how I am like what But if that we were watching waves coming on the ocean, yeah. Back and forth. Yeah. Would that do the same thing? Maybe.

I don't know if they cross referenced it. But yeah, you know, so that, that should definitely be a reason. If we're not really here to sell you on getting by your campfire. I think it's, if you like it, you like it?

Yeah, I do think it's something people can think about as an activity, to invite neighbors or invite people, if you have any qualms about doing it in your house.

But here's some other interesting things that I started. I've never really thought about some of these things. But in terms of the social benefits, obviously, we've mentioned that this is this gives us the space to invite others into. But I started thinking about it. I even reconnected with my now husband. After years of friendship. We've been friends for years, hadn't seen each other in a couple of years, but never dated. And we saw each other at a cookout and started chatting near the fire pit. That’s right. And it's never been the same. And I just I don't, you know, so single people get yourself near a fire, I guess. But I do think there is something about the atmosphere that I don't, I can’t really, you know, meaning like it does something. It's like it's safe for some reason. It's obviously it's physically warm, which in a lot of people's bodies makes them feel better. You know, if you're warm. There's, I don't know, there's just something about the walls coming down. I don't know. I just think it's a really unique place to be with others.

I was thinking of the word communal, just because I think about mixed ages. Just a lot of different peat kinds of people usually gathered, it's not typically just like, I guess sometimes it's just men, just women, something like that. That's true. A lot of times it's a mixed group. Yeah, that's true. And it just makes you feel like you're all a part of something. That's what I was thinking of that word.

So now I have another one to let y'all chew on okay. Especially because holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas, those things are coming where there's some family gatherings coming I found this blog post that said five reasons why campfires are really good thing for your family. And a lot of them were like pretty obvious things. You know, like We've even talked about giving the kids space to run around and just you know, drawing in different generations making it easy for elders to have a place to, you know, just kind of park themselves. I loved this one, though. And I've never thought about this. It creates a space for difficult conversations. Because everyone is looking into the flames and not directly at each other. I mean, you could be looking, you could be across the fire and be looking at each other. But you also could just be kind of like focused in on the flame. Okay, so because of that it's easier to approach more sensitive topics without being confrontational. Because a shared fire lowers our defenses in the best of ways. We can storytell, We can truth tell and spread the warmth of Hope and Grace and reassurance. gathering around a flame is primal and precious and perfectly healing. And while it's dangerous to play with matches, it's life changing to Camp Fire. Wow. 

Well, I even think about how that's an easy thing to build into your holiday. Yeah, you know, if you feel like inside around the table might get tense. Do you have that queued up and ready? We are going outside. Fresh air can do magical thing. Yeah, that's cool. 

Okay, I found an article that was pretty amazing. So the article was by Rachel newer, and it was Smithsonian Magazine. And she was referencing this anthropologist named Polly Weissner, who this is years ago, she arrived at these conclusions after spending 174 days living with the I'm probably gonna butcher this Juhuan Bushman of Botswana and Nambia. Okay. Weissner recorded conversations during the day and night and then compare the content of those exchanges. Three quarters of the daytime conversation Weissner found centered around work related tall. At night, however, more than 80% of conversations centered around singing, dancing spirituality, or enthralling stories often about known people, including tales of distant kin, local politics and even elephant stories, you know in that kind of a culture. So I just thought that was really interesting even in a really primitive culture that still how the conversations went. And they were usually at night around fires because they had to for warm Yeah, yeah. Just kind of cool.

That is so cool to think about. 

Well, one of the things that I have said on here before that I know I'm not alone in this, but it's one that I continue to struggle with is my dependence or sort of addiction with my smartphone. And I was thinking, we all have it, you just are admitting it. That's why I said that. But if as the months go on, and it is gonna get colder, where you're gonna want to get a little closer to the fire, you're not just there for ambiance, you're literally there because if you step too far back, you're freezing. Yeah. That's not a place where it's conducive to have your phone out, because it's going to get your phone hot, and it's going to mess up your phone. So there alone. Another reason is a good reason for me to be near a fire where I'm not tempted to have my phone out. I'm sorry, but I continue to get frustrated, trying to find anything on the television. So there's another reason you're not gonna find anything worth watching on that boob tube. So just go outside and share stories and hopes and dreams.

Well, as a marshmallow lover, you don't have to tell me twice to let's fire up some roasted marshmallows. Right? I mean, is there anything more glorious as for a marshmallow lover? I know there's people out there that don't like marshmallows, than a s’more.  

Well, I looked up something pretty fun. Okay, have you seen that like, as well as you know, how people are doing the charcuterie boards that are also beautiful. Yes. Now people are doing s’more boards.

Ooh, what all would be on that. So

I looked at a picture made kind of a list of some of the things I saw on there. Now if this sounds like crazy complicated, I pulled from like three different want pictures. Yeah. So don't think every single one of these things was on one board. Yes, but this is just to give you some ideas. Okay. So a variety of chocolate choices. So you're gonna have milk, dark, white chocolate, sometimes even people would put Reeses cups, or a caramel and chocolate. Ooh, like

the Ghiradelli that break open? Yes, yes.

Some people had like actual fruit. So strawberries or blueberries or raspberries, so that was an option. Okay, people could put in there even fruit jam. Then I was thinking that would be good with white chocolate. I think I feel like this sort of is just trying to appease the granola crunchy crowd that you might have among you.

I'm one that's not a lover of marshmallows. So I was like, okay, white chocolate and like jam and just go in a different direction sounds yummy to me.  Sometimes even marshmallow varieties okay see the big ones the little ones sometimes even flavored ones maybe there's even some more specific ones now that are like jumbo enough you know and square enough that it like lines up well with your graham cracker. Yeah, it I do think it's good to already have the graham crackers all broken and ready on this little board. Yes. I've even seeing people using the springtime peeps. You know those? Oh, because they kind of have the sugary I didn't see that in any of the pictures but I have seen people do that. Instead of just a marshmallow we're oh yeah have like kind of a sugary goodness on there too. Okay, and then with the graham crackers, there's even choices. Okay, the chocolate ones, the honey ones, the cinnamon ones. My gosh.

I didn't realize I was such a purist when it comes to s'mores but I mean, this is exciting. You can have some

of those choices, even cookies, so people had like shortbread cookies or instead of graham crackers, chocolate chip cookies, those fudge stripe. Yeah, he's Yeah, things like that. Who you know what I'm thinking of? What is it Lorna doone or what's that? Oh, that's

a shortbread. No, I am thinking of Bishoff.  

That would be so good. I don't need anything on it now just pass the board over here. Oh, not warming anything.

Some even had little cups where you could spread Nutella or peanut butter. Oh, wow. I don't know. I'm on the fence on that. Yeah. If I think I'd rather just have a Reeses or something to melt. This is funny. I have a question mark around this because this item I usually think is so delicious on anything, but it just it kind of doesn't sit well with me on a s’more- bacon?

No. Sorry. Maybe that's for the dudes out there that are like, we didn't really get dinner.

We’ve had chocolate covered bacon before and it wasn't all I had dreamed it might be. Yeah, I remember because I like really crispy bacon. You can’t do crispy chocolate covered bacon. Yeah. So I think I'm not I'm keeping that off my board. That's so fun. I love that. But I just said, I mean, you can keep it simple. Keep it simple, you know, just do some popcorn and apple cider. You know, something like that. 

Now, I do have an adult beverage that I want to mention. Okay, tell us. It is handwritten recipe, so I don't have a link, but it's super, super simple. So get your pen and paper old school. So you're gonna make me type this out in the show notes. It's literally three items. It's not that hard. Okay, but this is the amount I'm giving is for like, one or two servings. So, if you want to batch it, you'll have to multiply.  So, 1.5 ounces of the fireball Cinnamon whiskey, Two ounces of orange/pineapple juice and a bottle of angry orchard cider. Oh, so it's like kind of a spiced fruit tea. It is so delicious and so fall!  So it's like Apple Cinnamon orangey goodness. And you'd serve it cold? Yes. Yeah, I like that. Very good. And you know, you could just have apple cider for the non adult version or maybe even you know make them some kind of fall fruit tea with no alcohol Yeah, because this is alcoholic so anyway. There's your that beverage so good have by the fire. That sounds so good.

That'd be fun for Thanksgiving to like just to have you know for your family.  Serve that up and then go have a difficult conversation. You can thank us later.  I just we've mentioned on here before storytelling and alive that's birthed from sitting around fires do I think people tell family stories and fires just make that all the

more special? Okay. Well enjoy that element.

I know I hadn't even thought about that. Earth Wind Fire

air. Earth water. I mean, I'm sorry. Earth, water, air and fire. Okay, I am going with the band.  They are awesome too. Have somebody play that if you don't have a guitar player.

Have your playlist ready. 

Well, we haven't said it in a while but if you are enjoying these episodes, and you have a friend that you have yet to text about this show, go ahead and do that now. As soon as we end this episode, you can just hit the share button, text them, message them and Let them know what you love about Steel Magnolias Podcast. Give us a follow on Instagram and we will see you back here next time. Lainie Peace be with you,

And also with y’all!